I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
