I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
