Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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