if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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