If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
