my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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