I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
