Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
