Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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