when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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