nut hugger
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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