Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Green mimosas i think yes
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize
