my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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