so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
