I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
BRING THE BAGELS
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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