I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
