Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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