I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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