I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
