Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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