So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
