dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
