fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
