I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
My vagina is officially offended.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
