if i can run in heels then i can drive
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
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