Taylor Swift is so right about you.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
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we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
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I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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