Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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