That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
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i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
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I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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