did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
