Do you still have your period?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
