I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
