$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
