There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
