remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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