I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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