u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
50% drunk capacity currently
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
