I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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