U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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