So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
