Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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