So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
