Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
