his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
