Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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