She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
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