i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
