Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
So. Much. Porn.
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