I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
