Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
