Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
