Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Can you repeat that, but with context?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
