It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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