You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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