every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
