I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
