My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
