The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
