I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
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The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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