Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
