you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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