they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
