Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
