I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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