Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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