mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
