i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
