I'm eating all of the evidence.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
