she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
