you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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