Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
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I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.