She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
