What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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