Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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