were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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