I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Just pee around me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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