I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
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