And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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