I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
