my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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