i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
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