Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
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She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
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She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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